I believe in the power of positive thinking. I believe that your frame of mind can determine how you succeed or fail at achieving a goal. Changing from a girl who would rather believe the negative because it was easier to a women who knows that working hard and positivity bring about real change. I used to crave the validity of others opinions. What to wear, what music to listen to, where to go. Always being on the outskirts of groups and not completely fitting in. Now I pretty much March to the beat of my own drum. I try much harder to please myself than anyone else and if someone doesn’t like me then I feel sorry for them. I’m a hoot!! I think the wisest piece of advice I was given was this “what anyone else thinks of you is absolutely NONE of your business”. The way I saw myself then and the way I see myself now are completely different. I was so wrapped up in myself and my own negativity.
I never really had a problem with my Weight untill I started college. I gained weight that first year and it was a horrible feeling. I had little confidence and would try too hard to mask it. When I decided to start slimfast it was all the rage. It worked! Over that first year I lost almost 2 stone. I became addicted to stepping on the scales and seeing the numbers move. Soon I moved onto the Atkins diet and the scales dropped another stone. I hit below 8stone and never felt happier. I was surviving on 2 slimfast shakes and a packet of popcorn a day. I remember my mother saying I was too thin but shrugged her off. I could wear what I wanted. I felt people liked me better because I was thin. I’ve basically been in and out of a modified eating disorder since my early 20’s. Starving, cutting out food groups, obsessively weighing myself, over eating, gaining, losing, shakes, pills, high fat, low carb, paleo, slimming world, weight watchers, south beach… Yo yo yo!!
In time I fell into a relationship, bought a house and had my son. I gained about 2 stone before my son was born and another 2 in the year following his birth. I had lost touch with many friends, mostly down to my own actions. I felt isolated and was suffering with post natal depression. I ate to feel better. I ate everything. Nothing made me feel better so I just kept eating to fill the hole. I became even more isolated and my wardrobe was track suits and baseball caps. I rarely wore makeup. Who was I?
In the end it took a very dear woman at work to pull me aside and tell me I was killing myself. With my diet and my mental outlook. I found myself single, mom to a 2 year old and basically starting from scratch! I joined a kickboxing club, I tried crossfit, I joined a gym, tried Pilates, running, yoga, spinning. I said yes to every invitation. I tried every diet there is. Ask me, I’ll know the points and Syns on anything. I spent 2 years socialising like a machine. Drinking every weekend. I dated, I met new friends, I travelled. Basically everything I felt I missed out on in my 20’s.
Towards the end of 2012 I decided it was enough. It was all still so erratic and my post natal depression lingered. I focused on strengthening the relationship with my son and doing something better with my life.
I started to plan a charity trip to India which I can honestly say was the turning point in my life. I worked hard at fundraising, put myself out there and felt brave. When I finally got to Kolkatta, the sense of pride and achievement was like no other. I knew then that I could do whatever I set my mind to. I knew I was brave. I knew I would be OK.
Around this time I met my now husband and I haven’t looked back.
I have a great family, a supportive husband and a beautiful little boy. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I still have to work hard on keeping my positivity. I don’t have it every day. I still suffer from anxiety and fear of the unknown but the people I now have in my life enhance it. I know with them I can do anything. I’m confident enough to know my worth and I know it’s not at the bottom of a box of chocolates or on the label of size 8 jeans. I still have fat days and days I feel amazing. I eat junk food and beat myself up so 80% of the time I eat clean, healthy food. I exercise as often as I can. It’s a journey. It’s never over. It’s never done. It’s called life and we should embrace our opportunities and enjoy them. They only come around once. So, no looking back. Believe you can and you are halfway there. Know you are deserving and keep working. We are all struggling and you are not alone. Only you have the power to change yourself. Just do it 🙌🏻